Birth and Death

I think I love my baby even more today. I am beyond-words excited to meet her and hold her in my arms with Ken. Last night was quite the experience of some "practice" contractions that lasted most of the night. Between eating, drinking water, taking a bath and a walk, they finally slowed down enough to sleep. I am glad for them. This body has to get this baby out somehow. I am learning to sleep when I can so as to rest for this transition about to happen. I find "hospice-like" similarities in most of this. Death is certainly a mystery as to when it comes, despite the physical signs and changes that occur in a person's body. I have been privileged to watch people die. For some, it takes weeks. For others, it comes as a complete surprise with little warning and the passage happens with family fairly oblivious. Ken and I stand by and watch consuming signs that our baby is nearer to her debut to our arms. For us, the process is taking weeks. Rightly so. This is apparently how many experience the birth of their children; this is true, too, with death, as family and friends release and let go. Both birth and death certainly are significant transitions commonly experienced over a period of time.

I often hear stories of family members about deaths. Each is unique and precious and must be held sacred. Birth stories are similar with the spectrum of emotion. I am thankful to hear them. They are sometimes hard to hear, similar to hearing stories about death. Regardless, the stories need to be told, even written, and handed on to each other with out fear of expressing the emotions that accompany.

37 Weeks

Today marks the best week -- baby M is officially a full-term baby. She is a very happy baby, and I am a very happy mother that she decided to stay put this whole time. Baby and mama went to visit a support group for mothers today as well. There were so many moms, probably 20 with babies. My eyes kept scanning the room, seeing newborns breastfeeding all the way to mothers with toddlers. We are going to have one of these precious bundles in a very short time! I think Baby knew this as well, as she kicked and squirmed in my belly the entire time. Having all of these babies and new moms in my memory will certainly help me visualize the purpose of birthing our baby.

Today I realized I did not have any chocolate chips, so the cookies have yet to be baked.

I need to post our latest sonogram picture. Baby Mortimer is getting chubby!!

Chocolate, peanutbutter, oatmeal

I can hardly stand how much I crave baking, anything really. Tonight, it's chocolate chip cookies. I really want to make them. Problem: it is 9:00pm and I should really try to stay on a good sleep schedule (even though I know that will all change in a few short weeks!) Our doula, among others, told us a great idea. The suggestion is to bring a basket of treats for the nursing staff when we go to the hospital to have our baby. Now, having worked on multiple floors in different hospitals, I know the good that can come from a little grazing of some yummy, homemade snacks. After all, this is going to be a birth-day, right? I already know that nurses work very hard and have very important tiny lives that they care for each day. I am already thankful for them.

36 Weeks

Ken, Baby, and I had a sonogram last week and our 36 week visit to our doctor. The baby looks great, I'm doing great, now we wait and wait and wait some more. I am trying to decide what all to take to the hospital. My last visit to the hospital was for a week with appendicitis. I don't think I really packed for that. We will be much more prepared for this trip, no doubt!

In other news... we are getting both of our garage doors worked on. One spring and pulley system completely snapped last night once we shut the door and got in the house (luckily we were out of the way, though I don't think we would have been hit). The other door also needs some new parts as they are not looking the best either.

Belly Kisses

My husband loves to kiss my belly and say, "I love you baby!!!" mostly during the sign of peace at church and in front of other strangers and funny times. It kind of embarrasses me, but not really. I am, I remind myself, 9 months pregnant and it's totally obvious what he is doing, not like I'm hiding something.

Other thoughts of late:

• How is this baby going to get out of my belly? (I know how it's most likely going to happen, but seriously, is this for real? Yea, I know it is, but seriously?)
• What will she look like? What will go through my mind if she's not a she, but a boy? It's been known to happen. If it does, we will have the best girl clothes any boy could ever want! Is it possible for a girl-baby to look like my husband? That is a very strange thought.
• Growing a baby is the strangest thing I've ever done. Even though I've been doing it now for 35 weeks, it is still strange. I think I'd like to do it again because strange things are also very nice at times.
• It's hard to imagine a day when I will not look pregnant. It feels kind of perminant. I'm glad it's not.
• Praying for my baby with my husband during holy hour is so sacred and sweet to me.