It's now over a month since my last blog entry. I've been too tired or only have one hand to use at the computer, so I've not written. Thus goes the life of a new mama. I hardly would have thought having two hands to do something was a luxury.
I do want to write more about my birth experience, but I have other things on my mind. Yesterday, I had a visit to my OB/GYN doctor for a follow up visit after Eleanor's birth. Some people know, others don't, but I had surgery 10 days after the delivery of Eleanor. I was angry. I was feeling, for the most part, good after Eleanor's birth, except I was experiencing more pain. I went to the doctor and found out that I had more internal damage than originally thought from the delivery. It was a huge set back for me emotionally. I felt as though my body was failing what was to be a normal event of the female body--to birth a baby. Now, six weeks later, after an incredibly painful reconstructive surgery of that "special area," (I'd rather give birth again any day) I am driving for the first time since October 7th and starting to keep up with a few household chores. I am thankful for both sets of grandparents who took shifts with the baby, night and day, so I could sleep for a few extra hours here and there and heal. My body needed that. I needed to sleep to make milk to feed my baby.
I have always wanted a handful of children. This past year has taught me that fate, providence, or whatever, sometimes dictates the ease of this process. Not everyone goes through miscarriages, fertility drugs, and reconstructive surgery to have one baby. I'm not resentful, but some, plain and simply, can do it with less interventions. Thank God that these things don't happen all the time. Our hope is that we are able to have more babies (yea, we like 'em). But for now, we are thankful for our Baby E.
I want to go visit friends and family in other places. But, that is not possible in this stage of our life. I miss a lot of friends that I really want to see. I really want to put decorations on our Christmas tree, but I'm too tired to get them out. (Our tree got put up while I was breastfeeding). And, I don't really want someone else to do it for me either. It's a funny feeling really, having someone else decorate my Christmas tree.
I am thankful to be breastfeeding Eleanor, by the way. It is exhausting but rewarding.
To all of my friends (and sister) expecting your baby soon, I'm praying for you.
